you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When are your genitals available?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
