No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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