How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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