Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
