Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
