I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
