I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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