he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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