so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
