1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
