All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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