My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
