Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
