I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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