the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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