I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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