My liver just broke up with me...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
