Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize