This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
