I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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