i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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