I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk is not a location!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
