literally had 100 drinks last night.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
