sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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