I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
