her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why didn't you poke me back
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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