Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
