Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
