this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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