Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
