I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
