my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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