I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Terrible idea I love it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
