True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
