THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
