finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
