bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
