im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
