I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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