Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
