I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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