I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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