Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
wat bout pragnant strippers??
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
