I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
