its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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