Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
