Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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