dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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