i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize