Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
