Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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