..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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