the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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