So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
