I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hippo gnu deer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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