looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
