i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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