So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
