Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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