Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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