Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
