It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
