And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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