I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
