Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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