When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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