Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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