I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize