you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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