is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
