i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
