At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
