hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
