Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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