Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
