This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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