If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
