Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
