i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
