I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
