Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
