hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
